How much truth is there in the statement that “dignity and respect can be bought” if we think about how we view ourselves and behave around people who bear the appearance of wealth? Mentally and morally we reject it, but in behaviour we endorse it. We are hypocrites. What’s more is that respect is hardly the only emotional response or state that is purchasable.

“A well-known therapist once observed, “Money questions will be treated by cultured people in the same manner as sexual matters, with the same inconsistency, prudishness and hypocrisy.” The year was 1913. The therapist was Sigmund Freud.” - Krueger, David (2009:2)

So what does your bank account say about you? This is not the correct question to ask. The question is, what does your bank account encourage you to say about yourself?

We assign to our money the responsibility of determining our well-being, our short-comings, our upbringing, our fears, our social status, our problems, and in part, our character. In modern capitalistic societies of extreme poverty, extreme wealth, extreme conspicuous consumption and extremely high stats on suicides resulting from debt and bankruptcy, what we accumulate and spend in Rands has become an additional part of our existence, a story (or tragedy) about who we are. However, this story plays out in the realm of our denial. It is secret, especially to us. Your financial status is a literal and fictional extension of yourself, hidden from yourself. Allow me to explain.

The Secret

Often, admitting to irrational compulsive behaviours when it comes to spending and earning money, would be denying ourselves what we think we truly need.  But there is a great difference between needing and wanting or craving and coveting. Impulsive and compulsive behaviour around money is driven by everything except logical and responsible thoughts. We remain in denial because, in the moment, the price of ‘not having’ seems greater than the price of financial problems at some later stage.

The Literal Extension of Self

We are obsessed with appearances, those of others and those of ourselves. We know how much it means to look the part, because we judge those who fail to. We spend money on products that make our hair shiny, on machines that discolour our skin tone, and on shoes that gives us “legs for miles”.

We could buy things for others to show them that we care, when giving our time, attention and efforts are not possible. We lack caring by not buying the family Christmas presents. We give our money to charity organisations and accept the compliment of having a “big heart”.

The Fictional Extension of Self

“The wonder of money is that it can represent anything. It’s a stand-in for what we idolize and desire yet fear and lack, for what we covet, crave, spurn, chase, or follow.” Krueger, David (2009:11)

We aren’t suffering away on the sunbed on a daily basis for the hell of it. A golden brown skin tone has established itself as a norm in the society we find ourselves in, and it communicates healthiness, sexiness, sportiness, youthfulness, etc. Spending our money on the messages that we want communicated, money itself becomes the message. We spend on things that sooths us, punishes us and fill in what we feel we lack. We buy emotions and flaunt it around for others to see.  We build our identities on that which we consume, and thereby we have purchased our self-esteem to a great degree. But that which we consume, ends up consuming us. This is because quick fixes tend to bear the element of impermanence. It is temporary filler with a long term effect.


Wanting to create the persona of someone “rolling in the money”, the persona will be noticed by others; like your bank manager, offering to increase the limit on your credit card, your wife insisting on Tropical Island holidays, your extended family members, expecting you to pay for poor Uncle John’s hip replacement. Perceptions are created, expectations established, behaviours adapted and before you know it, you are in trouble.

"We make money mistakes because we use money to accomplish nonfinancial goals. We seek to use money the thing to do what no “thing” can: regulate our moods, increase our self-esteem, and control others." Krueger, David (2009:11)

An intimate, trusting and obsessive relationship shared with money is a fictional tale we tell ourselves, and we have  forgotten that it is in fact just that; fictional, a dilution, a lie. The problem is not the money, not the thing, but the person – you. It is time to get clever.

Let the Secret Out

Awareness is key. Become aware of your thought patterns and you will be able to analyse your behaviours, hopefully even alter them. Ask yourself, what have I been made to believe around “human needs”? and are my beliefs in this regard legitimate?  However, this is easier said than done, for breaking off this extension can feel like literally losing something that is a part of you. For example: Your loud, flashy and cheeky sports car, having become a part of your identity, is now lost as you have realised that you do not “need” it. You feel down, but did you really intend on communicating your character to the world through a nice box on four wheels? You are now in a better financial position. Stress levels drop. Debt anxiety resides. You have made a rational decision. Now, put some effort into attaining happiness; make friends, or get a hobby, anything instead of letting your money act as a temporary substitute for your happiness which could lead to financial nightmares in the long run.

Search: